Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi

ePSXe 2014-01-26 11-56-32-652Pit Fighter. Shaq Fu. Rise of the Robots. These are just a few fighting games infamous for their terrible quality. One such game is Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi, a PlayStation fighting game developed and published by LucasArts. A Star Wars fighting game is a weird idea already, but what we got was worse than we could have ever anticipated.

ePSXe 2014-01-26 12-27-12-494First of all, the roster. Despite being small already, LucasArts decided to take up two slots with brand new characters: Hoar the Tusken Raider, and Arden Lyn the bitch with a robot arm. There’s also Thok, who was apparently one of the Gamorrean guards in Return of the Jedi. Han Solo, Chewbacca, Luke, Boba Fett, and Leia are the only major characters available initially, and others need to be unlocked. Of course, nobody would waste their time unlocking characters in this piece of shit, so basically we’ve just got the eight.

ePSXe 2014-01-26 11-59-29-382The game’s a 3D fighter, and a painfully standard one at that. The controls are… awkward, to say the least, with none of the fluidity of Soul Calibur or Tekken. The game feels slow and overall it just isn’t fun to play.

ePSXe 2014-01-26 12-12-20-469Special moves are a pain. Even if you know how to do them, it can be tricky to get the timing right. Plus, the game is incredibly unbalanced, with certain characters being much, much better than others.

ePSXe 2014-01-26 12-15-48-900Most characters have to switch between unarmed and weapon stance by pressing R2, but why? It’s almost always better to have your weapon out, and with certain characters there’s absolutely no reason to fight unarmed. Luke Skywalker is useless unarmed, but take out his lightsaber and he’s bullshit.

ePSXe 2014-01-26 12-06-29-108You’d think characters with guns would be cheap, but they fire so slowly it’s pretty much useless. Plus, as mentioned, pulling off specials is finnicky, so good luck hitting anything when you do manage to pull it off.

ePSXe 2014-01-26 12-02-08-376You can put in cheats for big-head mode and shit like that. Yay?

ePSXe 2014-01-26 12-18-24-958Overall I just can’t fathom why this game was made. Perhaps to cash in on the popularity of 3D fighters at the time, but you would expect better from LucasArts. The game is a total mess, and it’s a shame, because a Star Wars fighting game COULD be fun if done right. Darth Vader, Yoda, and Starkiller later made it into Soul Calibur IV as guest fighters, but other than that Star Wars has stayed away from the genre.

Thank fucking god.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Truer words have never been spoken.


About Dinosaur Pirate

Is he a dinosaur? Or a pirate. Neither. BOTH.
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