Santa Claus Saves the Earth

Ah, Christmas. A time for family, togetherness, and good will towards man. Nothing can top Halloween as my favorite holiday, but Christmas certainly comes close.

When it comes to getting into the holiday spirit, there’s TONS of great Christmas specials and films out there. But what about games? Unlike Halloween, there’s really not many Christmassy games out there. The few that do exist are mainly based on popular films like Elf or the Grinch, or just cheap reskins of iPhone games. However, I have managed to find one for the Game Boy Advance…

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_02Jesus Christ, this game wastes no time in demonstrating how shitty it is. The graphics seem to be digitized Poser models, and overall the whole game looks like garbage. Donkey Kong Country this ain’t.

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_03So the plot is that a wicked fairy named Nilam decides to capture Santa Claus because she doesn’t want there to be a Christmas for some reason. That’s pretty much all there is to it.

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_050938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_04The game is an extremely standard platformer. In addition to jumping, Santa can swing his sack to attack enemies. However, doing so is slow, awkward, and incredibly delayed, plus it makes him take a step back. Beautiful.

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_07The stages are bland, simplistic, and lifeless. The background is littered with nonsensical objects like clocks and pictures of clowns, placed seemingly at random, and regardless of what sort of environment you’re in.

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_09 0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_10You can find other weapons too, like snowballs, which are the only way to break crates as far as I can tell. Yes, instead of just being able to hit them with your sack, you need to stand in JUST the right spot, aim down, and throw a snowball. You don’t get many shots with your snowballs anyway, so it’s best to just ignore the crates.

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_13I found an item that made Santa flash blue while an upbeat tune plays, which I assumed was invincibility mode. Turns out that all it does is make him jump higher. The hell?

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_12Between the shitty graphics, poor control, lackluster music, dull stage design, and repetitive gameplay, I can honestly say that this is one of the worst games I have ever played. This is Sonic Labyrinth bad. There’s some games that are so bad they’re entertaining, but this is just BAD.

0938 - Santa Claus Saves the Earth (E)(Eurasia)_18This game sucks my jingle balls.

 

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About Dinosaur Pirate

Is he a dinosaur? Or a pirate. Neither. BOTH.
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