Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems

Fuck this game.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)001War of the Gems is a bit of an odd case. It’s not really a BAD game… how could it be? It’s made by Capcom. However, it’s also not a very inspired one, and doesn’t bring anything new to the table. But what really makes War of the Gems so annoying is the difficulty. This game, like Mickey Mania, haunted my childhood.

Released in 1996, War of the Gems was one of a number of Marvel games made by Capcom. Capcom was pumping out tons of Marvel titles at the time, mostly arcade fighters… however, War of the Gems, along with X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse, stand out for being side-scrolling platformers released on the SNES. Let’s take a look.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)002The game pretty much follows a variation of the Infinity Gauntlet story arc. Like Mega Man, you’re brought to a hub where you can choose which level to play. Not that it matters, because they’re all impossible.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)003You can choose from 5 different Marvel Heroes to get your ass kicked with, and I have to say, the portraits look a bit off. Captain America, Spider-Man, and Iron Man seem to use their sprites from the Marvel Super Heroes fighting game, while Hulk and Wolverine do not.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)004There’s these items too, I guess. Not that I’ve ever made it far enough to make use of them.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)007So you pick your character and the level begins. Doesn’t look half bad, though Hulk’s sprite is kind of wonky.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)011Pretty much immediately, the stage floods. So not only do you now move slower, but you have an oxygen meter that constantly drains. First stage. Fucking beautiful.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)012Most of the enemies are evil clones of Marvel heroes, like Puck here. And guess what? They’re not slowed down by the water at all.

GREAT.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)015The first boss is… this guy. Good luck fighting him with Hulk. Might as well be trying to control the game with your dick.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)019Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)020By the time you get past him, you’re beat to hell. Health pickups are extremely rare, so you’re pretty much fucked when you run into the next group of Pucks. And guess what happens when you lose?

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)021Right back to the hub. No checkpoints, no second chances, fuck you, do it again. And as if that weren’t bad enough:

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)022You lose the hero. So basically, you’ve got five chances. Good luck, asshole.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)026Okay, so maybe the problem is how slow Hulk is. This time I picked Captain America, and made it further. In addition to the Pucks, later areas of the stage are full of evil Hawkeyes shooting arrows at you. They’re a pain in the ass, but thankfully they only take one hit to defeat.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)027Alright, I made it. I’m almost dead, but I made it. Now I just need to be really-

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)028Fuck.

Let’s try another stage.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)029So this time, I picked Wolverine. He’s a hell of a lot faster than the others, so I figured I was bound to have more luck with him.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)030EAT A DICK.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)031So as you can see, at this point I’m three heroes down and haven’t made a damn bit of progress. The worst thing about this game is that it’s difficult to explain what makes it so hard… it just IS.

Ugh, whatever. Let’s try Iron Man.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)032So, Iron Man’s pretty interesting. He can fire a repulsor blast, and can double jump, too. Overall he’s a pretty strong character.

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)036NOT THAT IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE WHEN THE PUCKS SHOW UP GVRTDGRTGV WHY ARE THERE SO MANY

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)037AND THEN THERE’S THESE FUCKING GUYS THAT JUST CHOKE YOU AND TAKE ALL YOUR FUCKING HEALTH GODDAMNIT

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)039FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Marvel Super Heroes - War of the Gems (U)040WELL I GUESS THAT WRAPS UP WAR OF THE GEMS.

Jesus Christ, this game actually makes me look back fondly at Mickey Mania. At least there I could clear a single fucking level.

FUCK.

 

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About Dinosaur Pirate

Is he a dinosaur? Or a pirate. Neither. BOTH.
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4 Responses to Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems

  1. gold says:

    I’m gone to tell my little brother, that he should
    also go to see this website on regular basis to take updated from hottest gossip.

  2. Cesar Cabral says:

    c’mon, this game is not so hard, i’ve played it a lot in my childhood, finished it a hundred times, great game!

  3. Gambit says:

    The worst parts about War of the Gems and Mutant Apocalypse are 1. No non-game genie cheats for extra lives or invincibility in case you actually wanted to have fun while playing this without level selecting through it 2. Needing to enter directional combinations for special powers? Really? Absurd decision. SNES had plenty of buttons to assign powers to. The game would have been a lot better if it made you actually feel like a superhero. I don’t get the fun in being the Avengers and getting ripped apart by no-name characters. Especially as the Hulk. Capcom should stick to games they’re good at. Marvel action is clearly not one of those games. What were they thinking? These are the two most disappointing Marvel games I’ve ever played, not because they’re the worst, but because they were so close to being the best and ended up being worthless.

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